Introvert dating an extrovert
"Your best foot forward is really capitalizing on your strengths, and it's being quiet and reflective."However, if sitting down at a quiet bar with a stranger and making conversation feels impossible to you, you can go the opposite route and pick an activity to do together. In the event of being saddled with the worst conversationalist (or just someone with horrible opinions), you'll want a foolproof way out."Some anxious introverts swear by attending an event, like a reading or a comedy show, because it provides a built-in topic of discussion afterwards," says Dr. Whatever it is, just make sure it's something that'll make you feel comfortable.3. If your day-to-day look is a sweater and jeans, you'll probably want to forego statement lipstick and an open-back dress even if you think it comes off as more confident. "Think of the cardinal rule of comedy improv: 'yes, and.' Listen to whatever is being said, and then riff off of it." And if you're the only one doing the legwork (it'll be pretty obvious if they're giving you nothing to work with) – then your date just sucks and you can close out your tab in peace. "Anxiety is driven by uncertainty, so if you have a flexible exit plan, you'll feel more confident," says Dr. And if you're afraid of feeling the pressure to stay out really late (even if the date is good), you can plan something between events, or during the day.All my previous boyfriends were life-of-the-party-guys—men who fed off my energy and swept me up in tumultuous emotions. I realized he wasn’t quiet because he wasn’t feeling my vibe; he was quiet because he was a listener who genuinely enjoyed soaking up everything I said. Almost three years later, I’m pretty confident I'm going to marry the guy.Which is why, as a now-expert on the subject, this is my advice to all other extroverts looking to date an introvert."I think anything too noisy and distracting is just going to lead to you shutting down more," says Dr.Susan Krauss Whitbourne, Professor Emerita of Psychological and Brain Sciences of the University of Massachusetts, Amherst.There's scoping out people at a party or joining a club, which also means pushing yourself out of your comfort zone (but hey, at least you'll better know if you mesh well with someone off the bat). "I think meeting people through mutual friends is an excellent strategy," says Dr. "They're already vetted, known entities, plus you have built-in commonalities to talk about." In any case, being a homebody doesn't mean apps are the most approachable way to date. Compromise on going out with your partner sometimes.Ok, so you found someone who's great but wants to go out a liiiiittle more often than you do. "Sometimes it's worth channeling your inner extrovert," says Dr. Plus, there's one key element that's different from you being stuck at a house party alone: "If you’re comfortable with your partner, they’ll be there with you," says Dr. "You might find it was more fun than you thought it would be." 11.
My boyfriend calmly explained that I had a life, relationship, and obligations in New York, and couldn’t just walk away from them without properly considering the outcomes. Accepting that you need that security in your life makes it easier to accept your partner as a source of your strength. It seemed rude, like he so clearly wanted nothing to leave.
If the idea of talking to new freaks you out, even if it's about all the things you hardcore stan the most, you might be more than just introverted."With social anxiety, one of the biggest fears people have is meeting strangers," says Dr. "If you think you have a lot of fears that cluster together, it might be good to seek counseling and find out where these fears of meeting new people are coming from.", especially when they're stuck in a cycle of swiping but never wanting to actually go on the date.
"If you had a couple of bad experiences with apps, you’re going to be even more nervous about it," says Dr. "If you don’t like an online app and you don’t want to go out, it’s going to make tough and put more pressure on you." So how do you meet people sans apps?
Help your boo feel comfortable at parties by bringing him or her into the conversation. They're not keeping silent because they hate your friends and they're not bored: Small talk is just exhausting for introverts.
And remember, your partner isn’t “lacking” anything. You should be able to handle that by not letting your personal insecurities about someone's shyness derail your own enjoyment of the social situation.
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But also date someone who gets you."If you need a little push to get out and have fun, dating someone more extroverted can accomplish that," says Dr. "But if you're already really hard on yourself and push yourself mercilessly, it can be validating to date someone who unabashedly stays in." The main thing is: this person has to accept your nesting, blanket-fort-enthusiast ways and never make you feel bad for them.