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THE AIR COUNTER Defining characteristics: Can't remember his score without reliving every shot in detail.

Favourite expression: "One in the pond, two drop, three back in the pond.

The guy woke up, brushed the sand away and left, not knowing what happened.

Employs a vast array of swing jargon that only confuses you further. " THE HUMAN RAIN DELAY Defining characteristics: Thinks he is honouring spirit of the game by never picking up.

However, the news isn't all bad - the wife has gone to stay with her mother.

-- A midwife had just delivered a baby and turned to the mother and said.

Favourite expression: "We'll take four beers and one more smile, darlin'".

THE PARKING LOT PRO Defining characteristics: Colour-coordinated outfit, matching logos and oversized tour bag suggest he's played professionally. Favourite expression: "These are the same shoes Tiger wears".

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Not as sympathetic: When he announces his ball somehow stayed in bounds - with a clear shot to the green!

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